"Synergy, in general, may be defined as two or more things functioning together to produce a result not independently obtainable. That is, if elements A and B are combined, the result is greater than the expected arithmetic sum A+B." (Wikipedia)
That's my kid. My son. He's greater than the two elements combined. That said he is not independent of me or of his father. He is the mix of us both, the good and the bad.
People fall back on their eyesight often and what most people see is that my son is a mix of a white mother and a black father. He is bi-racial, multi-racial, mixed-race, ethnically diverse and many other labels too.
The question this BLOG aims to address is how I go about raising this synergistic element of mine. What is my responsibility? Who influences me? Who influences him? What am I missing? What can I dismiss? Who can I reach out to? How will things change?
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My Favorite Color is Brown
Really, I do like BROWN. I'm not really the kind of person that has a favorite anything, not a song or singer, not a book or a city. But a friend pointed out to me years ago that I had a lot of BROWN clothes, and then I noticed I had a lot of BROWN things. And then I started considering how I felt about BROWN, it’s a soothing color for me. The shine of a bay horse, the rough edges of the bark on a tree, the sweeping contour of the sand on a beach, a sturdy pair of boots and, I now realize, the rich tone of my son's skin.
My preschooler's favorite color changes with the season. He has been asking me for years what my favorite color is, I've always answered BROWN. After all I don't really have a favorite color, so I answered with my clothes color. He's never been satisfied with "I don't have one". He thinks, "Of course you have a favorite color, now what is it!?" BROWN was always my answer. Lately he has stopped asking me about my favorite color, bored with the answer I'm sure. RED has been his favorite for about 6 months, GREEN before that, plus a spattering of other so-called favorite colors over the last few years. Horror of horrors, yesterday he said his favorite color is WHITE. Now that alone is not really bad, but read in what context he shared this information with me.
While driving (we have all our good conversations in the car), we pass an elderly white man and my son says:
:: He looks like Mr Frank. (white man)
:: Who's that?
:: He's the one who helps Pastor Carter (black woman) at school.
:: Oh, she's been sick huh? Is she back yet?
:: No.
:: Do you like Mr Frank?
:: Yes.
:: Who do you like better, Mr Frank or Pastor Carter?
:: Mr Frank.
:: Why?
:: (pause) Because he has WHITE hair.
:: So does Pastor Carter.
:: No, she has gray hair.
:: So you like white hair more than gray hair? They look the same to me.
:: No, they look different.
:: Well Pastor Carter's skin is dark and Mr Frank's skin is white, or not really, more like pink. So they look like different people to be sure. But their hair seems the same to me.
:: I like WHITE. My favorite color is WHITE.
:: (horrified!) Really? I thought it was red. Now you like white?
:: Yes, WHITE is the happiest color because it’s the brightest color.
:: (oh my god!) Mmmm. Well really in science white is the absence of color. Its white because there is no color left. Besides I think shiny silver is the brightest.
:: Or maybe yellow is the brightest since it’s like the sun. The sun is bright.
:: Yes, yellow is a bright color. (Has he forgotten his love of WHITE already?)
Now I know that just because he likes white doesn't mean he dislikes himself and has a poor self-image, but doesn't it sound like that? I understand that its human nature to have favorites; I respect the fact that people look different and that should be observed and talked about; I even tried to dissipate white as a racial group since most of us really do look more pinkish.
My preschooler's favorite color changes with the season. He has been asking me for years what my favorite color is, I've always answered BROWN. After all I don't really have a favorite color, so I answered with my clothes color. He's never been satisfied with "I don't have one". He thinks, "Of course you have a favorite color, now what is it!?" BROWN was always my answer. Lately he has stopped asking me about my favorite color, bored with the answer I'm sure. RED has been his favorite for about 6 months, GREEN before that, plus a spattering of other so-called favorite colors over the last few years. Horror of horrors, yesterday he said his favorite color is WHITE. Now that alone is not really bad, but read in what context he shared this information with me.
While driving (we have all our good conversations in the car), we pass an elderly white man and my son says:
:: He looks like Mr Frank. (white man)
:: Who's that?
:: He's the one who helps Pastor Carter (black woman) at school.
:: Oh, she's been sick huh? Is she back yet?
:: No.
:: Do you like Mr Frank?
:: Yes.
:: Who do you like better, Mr Frank or Pastor Carter?
:: Mr Frank.
:: Why?
:: (pause) Because he has WHITE hair.
:: So does Pastor Carter.
:: No, she has gray hair.
:: So you like white hair more than gray hair? They look the same to me.
:: No, they look different.
:: Well Pastor Carter's skin is dark and Mr Frank's skin is white, or not really, more like pink. So they look like different people to be sure. But their hair seems the same to me.
:: I like WHITE. My favorite color is WHITE.
:: (horrified!) Really? I thought it was red. Now you like white?
:: Yes, WHITE is the happiest color because it’s the brightest color.
:: (oh my god!) Mmmm. Well really in science white is the absence of color. Its white because there is no color left. Besides I think shiny silver is the brightest.
:: Or maybe yellow is the brightest since it’s like the sun. The sun is bright.
:: Yes, yellow is a bright color. (Has he forgotten his love of WHITE already?)
Now I know that just because he likes white doesn't mean he dislikes himself and has a poor self-image, but doesn't it sound like that? I understand that its human nature to have favorites; I respect the fact that people look different and that should be observed and talked about; I even tried to dissipate white as a racial group since most of us really do look more pinkish.
What the Redskins Mean to my Brown Skin Son
I know the argument against the team name. I grew up with the team name since the Theisman days. I studied courses at university on what the team name meant for Native peoples and their fight 30 years ago against it. I get it. Today, a teacher I know (with season tickets she inherited from her grandfather!) didn't understand what the big deal was. She said, what about the Minnesota Vikings - there aren't Scottish Americans taking them to court. And she said in baseball there are the Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Indians that aren't being targeted by these native groups - I don't know those cities. Then I point out to her those ethnic names are not necessarily disparaging and hurtful, nor do they conjure up a history of cultural genocide. I tell her Native Americans were referred to as redskins with the same ignorance and hate as other groups. Would it be okay to have the Seattle Spics or the Nashville Niggas? No it would not be acceptable. It would not be tolerated. A single word can carry a lot of meaning beyond the simple ignorance of the speaker - hate, pain, history, continued oppression. We, as a people, know that. Let us not pretend we understand the Native American experience in the US just because we watched Dances With Wolves a few times.
On the other hand...yes there is another hand. Redskin was a derogatory name to call Native peoples nearly 100 years ago - before cars for goodness sake. Surely it was used more recently in certain areas of the country where Native Americans play the same role as Blacks or the Latinos would in a white-dominated population. I've heard stories. How recently I don't know. I DO know what it meant for me and my son to attend a Redskins home pre-season game recently. We had cheap coupon tickets and from a generous event worker received 9th row tickets. Ninth row!! I could nearly read the names on the players' jersies! The stadium looked so grand from the side of the field, so many people in maroon high into the lights, so many side liners involved - it was very exciting.
But this is what else I saw. I saw a brown skinned Native profile on the shirt of every spectator around me, on every player in front of me. I saw tens of thousands of fans cheering to the sight of that brown skinned profile. I saw fans around me who had paid hundreds of dollars for their seat, most of them different hues of brown skin, all waving their hands in the air, encouraging players to do better, singing the song "...braves on the warpath, fight for ole' DC..." -- the Chocolate City. I looked down at my beautiful brown skinned son and realized I was the odd one out. I realized in some way it had to affect him to be surrounded by all this excitement over a team garnished with a brown skinned celebrity. An unnamed celebrity to be sure, but looking like him, fighting bravely, being hailed by the masses.
I know its not politically correct. I know the owner should just change the team name without continuing the battle over ethnic stereotyping and copyright. But what if I'm right; what if that experience instills pride in people and gives brown skinned Americans the chance to feel empowered. What if it empowers my son? Can't we just ask the Native Americans to take back the term, to redefine it, to give it power. "That's right we are redskinned and proud. We are the first Americans and we will stand up to the white invaders and work to protect others like us."
One friend calls them the Washington Area Football Team (the WAFTs). Is that the solution? Here in DC the federal government does love its acronyms! I don't know the solution but I do know the experience positively influenced my son's view of himself - how could it not?
But this is what else I saw. I saw a brown skinned Native profile on the shirt of every spectator around me, on every player in front of me. I saw tens of thousands of fans cheering to the sight of that brown skinned profile. I saw fans around me who had paid hundreds of dollars for their seat, most of them different hues of brown skin, all waving their hands in the air, encouraging players to do better, singing the song "...braves on the warpath, fight for ole' DC..." -- the Chocolate City. I looked down at my beautiful brown skinned son and realized I was the odd one out. I realized in some way it had to affect him to be surrounded by all this excitement over a team garnished with a brown skinned celebrity. An unnamed celebrity to be sure, but looking like him, fighting bravely, being hailed by the masses.
One friend calls them the Washington Area Football Team (the WAFTs). Is that the solution? Here in DC the federal government does love its acronyms! I don't know the solution but I do know the experience positively influenced my son's view of himself - how could it not?
Dark Skin Smells
Reading to my son at bedtime, he once told me that he doesn't like dark skin because it stinks.
[Horror!] I gulp deeply, trying to make my voice sound light.
:: Why do you think it stinks?
He says that jumping and rolling around on the trampoline that day he realized when he got close to the neighbor girls they smelled.
:: Well I think it might be the stuff they put on their hair to make it soft that smells funny, not their skin. I mean how could something smell just because of its color? [He considers.] You have dark skin too compared to some people. Does your skin smell?
:: No because my skin isn't really dark.
:: Well what about my friend Aunt Donna who has really dark skin - does she smell? Or what about Michael? He's really dark - darker than the girls. Does he smell?
:: [he considers] No, they don't smell.
:: So it might not be the girls' skin then, but the stuff in their hair. If someone came up to you and said your skin smelled, how would you feel?
:: But I don't have dark skin.
:: Compared to me you do. [I pause to see if it sinks in] Don't you think if you were in a group of all light skinned people, then you would have dark skin? Or if you were in a group of dark skinned people you would would have light skin?
He quietly pondered and, not wanting to answer, he made a non-commital "Hmm" signifying the end of the exchange. Before I continued reading our bedtime story, I pleaded with him to not ever think people smelled because of their skin color. He agreed.
I swallowed my horror of the whole topic, and continued reading our book.
[Horror!] I gulp deeply, trying to make my voice sound light.
:: Why do you think it stinks?
He says that jumping and rolling around on the trampoline that day he realized when he got close to the neighbor girls they smelled.
:: Well I think it might be the stuff they put on their hair to make it soft that smells funny, not their skin. I mean how could something smell just because of its color? [He considers.] You have dark skin too compared to some people. Does your skin smell?
:: No because my skin isn't really dark.
:: Well what about my friend Aunt Donna who has really dark skin - does she smell? Or what about Michael? He's really dark - darker than the girls. Does he smell?
:: [he considers] No, they don't smell.
:: So it might not be the girls' skin then, but the stuff in their hair. If someone came up to you and said your skin smelled, how would you feel?
:: But I don't have dark skin.
:: Compared to me you do. [I pause to see if it sinks in] Don't you think if you were in a group of all light skinned people, then you would have dark skin? Or if you were in a group of dark skinned people you would would have light skin?
He quietly pondered and, not wanting to answer, he made a non-commital "Hmm" signifying the end of the exchange. Before I continued reading our bedtime story, I pleaded with him to not ever think people smelled because of their skin color. He agreed.
I swallowed my horror of the whole topic, and continued reading our book.
Children's Books with Pictures of "other kidz"
I tell you its so frustrating to find a children’s book for my 2nd grader to read – a classic like King Arthur or Oliver Twist, or more contemporary like Nancy Drew or Encyclopedia Brown – when I find that the cover always depicts a white child as the main character. Now, I DO know these books are written with white characters, they are American classic literature after all.
However, I also remember being told that books are better than TV because they allow your mind to imagine the story, the scenes, the characters. Your mind has to work harder when reading a book. I also remember being a young girl and reading Encyclopedia Brown and never feeling that I could be him, but I sure wanted to be his assistant in solving mysteries. I remember reading (and re-reading) my beloved Linda Craig series and wanting to be that teenager solving mysteries on her horse in central California living with her grandparents after her parents died in a car accident. I wished I had her long black hair; I wished I understood Spanish. I even wished my parents weren’t around.
Fast-forward to today talking to a friend about her youngster who started wearing glasses a year ago. He is drawn toward any animated character, stuffed toy or likewise that wears glasses. He leaned over to his mother during the movie, “See Mommy, he’s wearing glasses”. She smiles and nods lovingly at her son, protectively aware that he hates his own glasses and is thankful for any opportunity that shows him glasses are everywhere – lots of great people wear glasses!
Mixed race people are the fastest growing population segment in the United States according to the 2010 census. My swirled son has become a socially significant statistic, and will one day be economically and politically significant in the United States – once he’s old enough to work and vote. So why do publishing companies continue to block his budding imagination with unnecessary illustrations on the front covers of children’s books? How can my son imagine that he is the main character of his world, sailing over oceans, living in tree houses, solving mysteries and meeting exotic characters when he is stifled by publishing houses’ continued use of these illustrated book covers. Why not draw a picture of the ship and not the sailor? A rocket and not the astronaut? Is my son’s own self confidence suffering because he cannot not imagine he is the strong, all-important main character? That main character is always “somebody else”, somebody who doesn’t look like him. As classical animal stories survive – Mother Goose stories and Winnie the Pooh – modern advertisers recognize the workaround for reaching a wider audience, they use animated animals as a spokesperson – the Charmin bear and the Geico gecko. In this way they don’t alienate any audience from buying their product, including the growing number of mixed race families. Few marketers have the moxie that Cherrios showed by using a mixed race family in its 2012 commercial.
If you are Black you already know what I’m talking about; example, now there is a Black US President to showcase for your youngster as being a possibility for his/her own future. If you are White, imagine that all your history books are filled with only dark-skinned Presidents. Would you find it challenging to think of yourself as President one day? Or your whole life you’ve only had Black teachers in school, men or women, they were all Black. What are the chances you would see yourself as becoming a teacher one day? You may want to be, but you might have trouble picturing it. Or a girl who has only ever known male doctors, would she find it difficult imagining herself as a doctor one day? Imagine the joy for my friend’s son sitting in a dark movie theater in front of a full techni-color large screen showing a clever young star who looks just like him – glasses and everything. All children deserve the same access to imagine themselves as King Arthur, Robin Hood or Tom Sawyer.*
Book publishers MUST recognize that some illustrations restrict many young readers’ ability to dream, in fact a large and growing population of young readers. Book publishers should be widening the circle of readers, not defining it. Aside from the obvious male/female dynamic, I for one, do not buy or check out a children’s classic with a cover illustration that restricts my son’s ability to use his imagination and place himself at the center of the story. I recognize from my own youth the influence that literary imagination has on one’s development and outlook on the future. These stories have survived hundreds of years because they are great stories, they draw on common human experiences and ignite imaginations. There’s no better time like the present for publishing companies to start taking their message a step further and making children’s classics truly accessible to a wider, more ethnically diverse population. Universal cover illustrations will do this without “hurting the story”. As long as publishing houses illustrate book covers with white human characters, they will subtly (or is it overtly?) be closing off a growing number of young Americans to some great literature.
* Note: I realize I wrote this almost completely disregarding the difficulties girls have with imagining themselves as strong central characters in classic literature rarely written with that in mind.
Postscript: At about 12 years old, my son made the comment that all literature he reads for school have the assumption that all characters are white, except those ones who are pointed out as not white, sometimes discreetly "his woolen hair" or "her brown skin" or "Jimmie's mom is from Peru".
However, I also remember being told that books are better than TV because they allow your mind to imagine the story, the scenes, the characters. Your mind has to work harder when reading a book. I also remember being a young girl and reading Encyclopedia Brown and never feeling that I could be him, but I sure wanted to be his assistant in solving mysteries. I remember reading (and re-reading) my beloved Linda Craig series and wanting to be that teenager solving mysteries on her horse in central California living with her grandparents after her parents died in a car accident. I wished I had her long black hair; I wished I understood Spanish. I even wished my parents weren’t around.
Fast-forward to today talking to a friend about her youngster who started wearing glasses a year ago. He is drawn toward any animated character, stuffed toy or likewise that wears glasses. He leaned over to his mother during the movie, “See Mommy, he’s wearing glasses”. She smiles and nods lovingly at her son, protectively aware that he hates his own glasses and is thankful for any opportunity that shows him glasses are everywhere – lots of great people wear glasses!
Mixed race people are the fastest growing population segment in the United States according to the 2010 census. My swirled son has become a socially significant statistic, and will one day be economically and politically significant in the United States – once he’s old enough to work and vote. So why do publishing companies continue to block his budding imagination with unnecessary illustrations on the front covers of children’s books? How can my son imagine that he is the main character of his world, sailing over oceans, living in tree houses, solving mysteries and meeting exotic characters when he is stifled by publishing houses’ continued use of these illustrated book covers. Why not draw a picture of the ship and not the sailor? A rocket and not the astronaut? Is my son’s own self confidence suffering because he cannot not imagine he is the strong, all-important main character? That main character is always “somebody else”, somebody who doesn’t look like him. As classical animal stories survive – Mother Goose stories and Winnie the Pooh – modern advertisers recognize the workaround for reaching a wider audience, they use animated animals as a spokesperson – the Charmin bear and the Geico gecko. In this way they don’t alienate any audience from buying their product, including the growing number of mixed race families. Few marketers have the moxie that Cherrios showed by using a mixed race family in its 2012 commercial.
If you are Black you already know what I’m talking about; example, now there is a Black US President to showcase for your youngster as being a possibility for his/her own future. If you are White, imagine that all your history books are filled with only dark-skinned Presidents. Would you find it challenging to think of yourself as President one day? Or your whole life you’ve only had Black teachers in school, men or women, they were all Black. What are the chances you would see yourself as becoming a teacher one day? You may want to be, but you might have trouble picturing it. Or a girl who has only ever known male doctors, would she find it difficult imagining herself as a doctor one day? Imagine the joy for my friend’s son sitting in a dark movie theater in front of a full techni-color large screen showing a clever young star who looks just like him – glasses and everything. All children deserve the same access to imagine themselves as King Arthur, Robin Hood or Tom Sawyer.*
Book publishers MUST recognize that some illustrations restrict many young readers’ ability to dream, in fact a large and growing population of young readers. Book publishers should be widening the circle of readers, not defining it. Aside from the obvious male/female dynamic, I for one, do not buy or check out a children’s classic with a cover illustration that restricts my son’s ability to use his imagination and place himself at the center of the story. I recognize from my own youth the influence that literary imagination has on one’s development and outlook on the future. These stories have survived hundreds of years because they are great stories, they draw on common human experiences and ignite imaginations. There’s no better time like the present for publishing companies to start taking their message a step further and making children’s classics truly accessible to a wider, more ethnically diverse population. Universal cover illustrations will do this without “hurting the story”. As long as publishing houses illustrate book covers with white human characters, they will subtly (or is it overtly?) be closing off a growing number of young Americans to some great literature.
* Note: I realize I wrote this almost completely disregarding the difficulties girls have with imagining themselves as strong central characters in classic literature rarely written with that in mind.
Postscript: At about 12 years old, my son made the comment that all literature he reads for school have the assumption that all characters are white, except those ones who are pointed out as not white, sometimes discreetly "his woolen hair" or "her brown skin" or "Jimmie's mom is from Peru".
Darth Vader: Dark = Evil
My 5 year old has been introduced to Star Wars and with that I have seen the wonder and excitement in his eyes at space travel, blasters and talking robots. I relived my own amazement when I first watched the movie on the big screen at the age of six.
Below is me in the car trying to explain to my son that Darth Vader is not a robot. He just has a machine to help him breath and wears a black helmet to cover it up:
:Why can't he breath himself?
:He’s fought so much that he’s gotten hurt a lot and the machine helps him keep living.
:Why does he fight so much?
:Maybe people weren't nice to him when he was younger. And now he's always angry and wants to fight people. [I snicker at this one because I think I read it in a parenting magazine or something] Or maybe some people are just mean.
:Why does he want to fight Luke Skywalker?
:He thinks Luke will stop him.
:Stop him from what?
:He just wants to keep fighting and being bad and Luke might stop him. He is on the dark side of The Force. He is evil. Evil is something that is always bad and never wants to change. It’s the opposite of good.
There I said it. I tried not to, but I couldn't avoid equating darkness with evil; pitting darkness against good, that which is light. My son's voice came back to me from earlier years when he asked why his skin was darker than mine. What was he thinking now? Did he realize what I just said?
So there I am worrying about my son’s self-image, trying to explain the concept of good vs. evil in words he can understand, horrified that I just related the historically racist social model of Light = Good and Dark = Bad to my innocent baby whom I would do anything to protect. And what is he thinking at this time?
:But where did he get his cape?
: I don’t know, he bought it from the store [Phew! – I smile to myself, he didn't notice]
Below is me in the car trying to explain to my son that Darth Vader is not a robot. He just has a machine to help him breath and wears a black helmet to cover it up:
:Why can't he breath himself?
:He’s fought so much that he’s gotten hurt a lot and the machine helps him keep living.
:Why does he fight so much?
:Maybe people weren't nice to him when he was younger. And now he's always angry and wants to fight people. [I snicker at this one because I think I read it in a parenting magazine or something] Or maybe some people are just mean.
:Why does he want to fight Luke Skywalker?
:He thinks Luke will stop him.
:Stop him from what?
:He just wants to keep fighting and being bad and Luke might stop him. He is on the dark side of The Force. He is evil. Evil is something that is always bad and never wants to change. It’s the opposite of good.
There I said it. I tried not to, but I couldn't avoid equating darkness with evil; pitting darkness against good, that which is light. My son's voice came back to me from earlier years when he asked why his skin was darker than mine. What was he thinking now? Did he realize what I just said?
So there I am worrying about my son’s self-image, trying to explain the concept of good vs. evil in words he can understand, horrified that I just related the historically racist social model of Light = Good and Dark = Bad to my innocent baby whom I would do anything to protect. And what is he thinking at this time?
:But where did he get his cape?
: I don’t know, he bought it from the store [Phew! – I smile to myself, he didn't notice]
Mixed does not mean Black
In this New York Times article the author seems to be saying that mixed children are obliged to identify as Black for the sake of those that came before and in order to stop Blacks from being undercounted when competing for equalizing funds and representation. That's a heavy load to bear, if you ask me.
The fact is Blacks are being assimilated into the American culture and color scheme, since there are more and more interracial marriages.
Mixed children do not need to identify as Black in order to pay homage to history, or in order to help build the numbers of Black Americans for future. They need to identify as black for only one reason – because that is how the society they live in will identify them, both blacks and whites. What are some facts? One: while whiteness continues to be the mainstream, my parent’s generation had a different racial experience than I did growing up and my children will have a different experience than me. Two: growing up in an affluent and culturally diverse area will give you a different experience than not.
Mixed children often identify as black because not only the white society sees them as black, but as well, Blacks see them as black. If you don’t claim blackness then you are uppity or embarrassed of who you are. Is a mixed child any less black because he speaks without using Ebonics or because he listens to rock-n-roll music? Is a mixed child any less black because she doesn’t attend a black church or an HBCU? What does it mean to claim blackness? Must you fall to the pressure of what whites are saying you look like based on the one-drop rule, or what blacks are saying you should be? Is it checking a box on a form? Is it pretending one parent does not exist nor all the history of that parent?
If President Obama had not been raised outside the typical Black American experience, do you think he would be President? Do you think he would have been "palatable" to mainstream America? (Hawaii is the only state where whites are not the majority. He lived in Jakarta, Indonesia. He was loved and cared for by white grandparents.) If President Obama had not “discovered” and reclaimed his blackness as a young man, do you think he would be heralded as the first Black President or shamed in a Clarence Thomas kind of way? (He changed his name from Berry to Barak. He turned to grassroots politics in Black Chicago. He fell in love with and married a Black woman.)
Mixed children should not ignore their white heritage – any part of their heritage – just because it’s easier for someone else’s statistics. Imagine seeing your own parent as “the other”. How would I feel if my mixed son pretended I wasn’t his mother? That bond is first, before any societal constructs created around skin pigment.
If a mixed child had a white parent who was first-generation Polish, would it then be acceptable for her to claim that heritage and identify with the Polish culture? After all, she would be very close to it by default. What if her black parent was Cuban? Now the Black American experience has been completely removed from the equation. She is a mixed child who is Polish and Cuban, and in my view a part of the American fabric. Would the child being denying her roots and responsible for the future of Blacks in America if she identified with her Polish and Cuban Cultural heritage?
Blacks have never been in this position before due to the fact they were kidnapped and brought to the continent opposed to being "willing" immigrants. Today their assimilation is possible. Something the many willing economic immigrants where able to do over just a few generations. Black Americans and mixed race Americans can weave themselves into our rich social fabric – IF they want to. You’ve heard the term white-washed before. Well America is being brown-washed, and I for one like the so-called multicultural ether. Within it are defined specs of poignant color and rich stories of past and present. Immigrants continue to arrive, they continue to have families and we all continue to inter-marry. But hey, if you or anyone else thinks it’s a bad idea to assimilate, then you don’t have to melt into the soup. Individuals have a right to maintain a culture that is strongly unique, a history that has been troubled yet rich, and an identity that is what we know to be that of the Black American. However, don’t tell my mixed son who he is or who he should be – that’s for him to decide – be it by culture, by color or by name alone. Yes, I hope he pays respect to those who came before him, and I mean all those ancestors to bore him. It is within our power to change our social fabric, remake ourselves and justly honor all our diversity without falling prey to how someone else wants to see us or some racist one-drop rule. By still seeing everything in black and white we are keeping ourselves in the dark.
Kindergarten: ethnic diversity vs optimal learning?
So my son will be attending kindergarten next year. I opted out of my local public school and got a grant for a private school instead. (Grant $$ based on his exceptional entrance test scores, proud momma)
Our Public school = diverse but low test scores and high rate of student "incidents"
Private = not diverse but high test scores and 8:1 student/teacher ratio
And here I am worrying that he will be missing something by going to the private school. He'll stand out. He might have issues being dark skinned. What the hell am I thinking!? But then maybe he would stand out at the public school too because he so darn smart! (proud momma)
My co-worker assured me that she does not believe her sons missed anything by growing up with mostly white friends. She says her eldest "swings both ways" and feels more comfortable "with the other side". Meaning people like me. Meaning whites. She insists she is fine with this and that her sons get what they need from family. Her sons are in their 30's today. I appreciate my co-worker's frankness.
My ex-boyfriend said as a mixed-race youth, he didn't even know he was black until he was a senior in high school. And once he realized he felt compelled to attend a historically black college to "find his roots". When I knew him I always thought he was uncomfortable with his mixed-race, he seemed to be less sure of himself around black people.
What do you think?
Our Public school = diverse but low test scores and high rate of student "incidents"
Private = not diverse but high test scores and 8:1 student/teacher ratio
And here I am worrying that he will be missing something by going to the private school. He'll stand out. He might have issues being dark skinned. What the hell am I thinking!? But then maybe he would stand out at the public school too because he so darn smart! (proud momma)
My co-worker assured me that she does not believe her sons missed anything by growing up with mostly white friends. She says her eldest "swings both ways" and feels more comfortable "with the other side". Meaning people like me. Meaning whites. She insists she is fine with this and that her sons get what they need from family. Her sons are in their 30's today. I appreciate my co-worker's frankness.
My ex-boyfriend said as a mixed-race youth, he didn't even know he was black until he was a senior in high school. And once he realized he felt compelled to attend a historically black college to "find his roots". When I knew him I always thought he was uncomfortable with his mixed-race, he seemed to be less sure of himself around black people.
What do you think?
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